I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we're making bets on your personal life
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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