Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
