How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
