in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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