pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
