bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
