super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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