My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
