I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
