is your mom at the bar?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
