Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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