i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
