That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize