I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
