btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
