I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
