I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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