just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize