The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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