Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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