today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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