Your tits are I can't wait for
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This is my gift to your gina
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
