Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
two words: eviction party
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
