Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
