IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
