I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
