Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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