The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
