I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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