Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
