Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
