I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
