i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
