I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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