Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
