Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
