thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
