How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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