My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
