White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
