the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
