Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
