Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
