honey bunches of taint.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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