You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
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I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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