umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
