You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
