moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
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You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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