i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
