I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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