Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
