I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
