There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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