Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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