I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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