i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
