are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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