.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
