I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
