good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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