Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
