It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
