I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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