i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
