Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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