So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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