my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
