She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
pray to the hookup gods
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
